I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
