THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Randomize
