I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
