id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
