just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize