i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
