My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
