There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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