Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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