The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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