im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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