K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize