yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
