if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
