Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
