i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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