I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i came on her dog
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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