Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
