I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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