peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
