I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
