He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
