I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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