she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
