opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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