wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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