Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
