Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
