Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
