I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
