Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
