you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
