Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
