guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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