i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
