I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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