Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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