Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
