What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
