Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
