Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize