I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
