I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
