idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
