Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she smelled like a LAN party
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The convent might be a nice break from real life
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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