I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
