Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
