and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
