So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
