someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
