dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
