we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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