We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I fill condoms, not promises.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
