Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
