question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
