Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
