Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
