I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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