hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
