it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
