I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I want a musical about memes.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize