I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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