I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
