Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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