yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
