Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
