He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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