2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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