Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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