reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
