i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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