either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Randomize
