Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
