I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize