jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
