I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
