i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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