Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
we're so committed to being not committed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
