he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
