i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
