it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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