I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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