i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my being single is dangerous.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
