That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
