Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
