So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
