Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
