so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
