NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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