Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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