I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
